There is a joke on social media that every girl’s inbox contains a man talking to himself. This suggests that some eager men, hoping to get a woman’s attention, send messages that often appear to be ignored. In reality, these women might simply be waiting for the sender to move past basic greetings and say what they actually mean. I speak from experience. On rare occasions, I’ve responded to a casual “hi” and ended up regretting it, as it opened the floodgates to utter chaos.
Well, most people, especially men, do not take the joke of ‘being ignored’ lightly. Doomsayers ‘prophesy’ that one day, a woman who ignores the men in her inbox, will look back and realise she overlooked someone who genuinely liked her, and she will live to regret it. Fair enough – it is possible to meet the love of your life on social media. Nigerian gospel music sensation Moses Bliss met his wife, Marie, on Instagram.
Here’s a brief version of their love story for anyone who missed it: Marie recorded a video of herself dancing to one of her favourite songs by Moses Bliss and messaged him on Instagram. That was the beginning of their conversations. They got married in a widely publicised and celebrated wedding in March this year.
Just to clarify, the point of this article isn’t to suggest that men cannot approach women they like on social media, or vice versa.
With that out of the way, let us now discuss the big issue of the day. Why would anyone call a stranger ‘darling’ (or any such endearing term) on social media?
In my friendship circles, I am considered the strict one – you know that friend you constantly have to remind to live a little because it’s never that serious? I am that friend. Well, it is not my choice, I just happen to have little capacity for things that do not make sense. On this particular day, the reason I was taunted for being strict was because I ranted to a friend about a stranger who called me darling on Facebook and I had to block him. “It felt so irritating and creepy. I had to block him,” I told my friend.
I was angry even more because the person had gone through my filters and came across like an organised person. The friend I ranted to seemed to be on the side of the Facebook stranger, by reminding me to be more accommodative, always patient and take time to politely educate people. Her argument was that some people only lack good home training but are not completely evil. I was not entirely convinced that it was my responsibility to train any adult, male or female, in how to carry themselves on social media platforms. At the end of the lecture by my friend, we agreed that my only real crime was having too much common sense.
A few days later, this same friend texted me. She had just blocked a man on social media “for being overfamiliar with her”. In her story, she accepted a friend request. Soon after, the person texted to say hello and she politely responded because she thought the person wanted to have an important conversation with her. That was until the person started telling her that she was so beautiful and even went ahead to throw in one or two endearing terms. She blocked him.
“I just came to say sorry. When I faulted you, blocking a stranger who called you darling, I did not fully understand.” Her unspoken message was, assuming you really like a girl, when you marry her, you will have the rest of your life to call her darling, so no need to rush.
The essence of this article is straightforward: don’t call strangers “darling” or “babe” online, as it risks offending them. Meeting your future partner on social media is entirely possible, but how you initiate that conversation matters. If you only say “hi” without following it up meaningfully, you risk being misunderstood.
A better approach? Go beyond the “hi” and say something engaging – preferably not related to looks – to keep the conversation flowing.
