The harsh truth about old school friendships, By Mohammed Dahiru Aminu

Let us stop pretending. Just because you attended the same school as someone does not mean you owe them loyalty, updates or any kind of emotional obligation. The idea that being classmates somehow forges a sacred bond that must be preserved forever is outdated and absurd. You went to school together, sat in the same exam halls, maybe even wore the same uniform. That is where it ends for most people. Friendship is about meaningful connection, shared values and mutual respect. If those things were not present during your school years, they will not magically appear twenty years later just because someone created a WhatsApp group. Many of these groups are nothing more than digital archives of unfulfilled expectations, envy and stale nostalgia.

I realized this after joining one of those typical WhatsApp groups for my old secondary school classmates. At first, it was tolerable. A few greetings here and there, some birthday wishes, a recycled memory or two about a teacher who used to flog everyone. Then things started to shift. Some members began subtly mocking others who shared updates about their careers or personal lives. The tone turned passive-aggressive. And eventually, the mask slipped completely. A few people who, by their own admission, had done very little since graduation, began airing their resentment. They said they felt spited by updates about promotions, awards or milestones. Some even claimed that God had selectively chosen to bless only a few while leaving the rest behind. As if life is a cosmic lottery. That kind of lazy thinking is both intellectually dishonest and dangerous.

Let us be clear. No one owes you an explanation for their success. No one is obliged to dull their shine because you have not figured out your path yet. If your only emotional reaction to someone else’s achievement is bitterness, you are not just insecure, you are also projecting your failure onto others. There is something pathetic about grown adults who refuse to take responsibility for their lives and instead lash out at those who have worked hard to change their own realities. These are often the same people who keep talking about what they “could have been” if only this or that had happened. But nothing happened because they did nothing. And now they are angry that others moved forward while they remained stuck. The truth is you cannot drag everyone along with you. You are not obligated to.

Some people will never grow, and some do not want to grow. Their comfort zone is mediocrity and complaint. They feed on groupthink, nostalgia and false memories of a time when you were all “equal.” But you were never really equal. Some were reading extra books, learning skills, staying curious. Others were just coasting. The results are evident today. I once asked a prominent Nigerian figure why some of his old friends were always criticizing him publicly. His answer was simple. “Because we started together, but I became what I became, and they have not accepted that.” That single sentence captures the essence of this whole issue. Some people cannot handle your progress because it forces them to confront their own lack of it.

There is a silent expectation in these classmate groups that no one should rise too far above the rest. That everyone must remain on the same level to keep things “comfortable.” So, when you start to break that imaginary ceiling, they take it personally. They feel attacked by your ambition. But their feelings are not your problem. In my case, I exited the group. I realized the only people I kept in touch with from school were those I genuinely liked and respected. The rest were just names in a chat, most of whom I barely remembered. You do not build meaningful relationships from shared geography or classroom seating charts. You build them through real connection. And if that connection was not there back then, it is definitely not going to exist now just because someone added your number to a group.

Let us also talk about this delusion that education equals equality. Education is not a badge you wear once and keep forever. It is a process and a mindset. Some people claim to be educated, but cannot engage in a coherent argument or show any evidence of continuous learning. When last did they read a book, write a paper or take a course? If you claim to be educated, let us see your thesis. Tell us who supervised your research. Let us talk depth, not just degrees. Too many people are hiding behind the label of education while doing nothing intellectually rigorous with their lives. And when they see someone who took education seriously and applied it, they cry foul. They claim life has been unfair to them. But life has been unfair to everyone in some way. The difference is what you did despite that unfairness.

The idea that everyone should move at the same pace is one of the most damaging lies we tell ourselves. In life, people grow at different speeds, in different directions. Some accelerate, some pause, some reverse. You are not meant to keep everyone in your life forever. Some people are seasonal. The only ones you need to take along are those who are growing with you. Not those trying to guilt you into staying small. If you find yourself in a space where your achievements are met with hostility or sarcasm, leave.

You do not owe anyone your silence or your struggle just to make them feel better about their choices. Success is not a crime, and you are not required to apologize for rising above the expectations others had for you. You do not have to maintain relationships with people who do not inspire, support or challenge you in meaningful ways. Shared history is not enough. Life is too short for sentimental weight. Move forward. Let go. Because here is the brutal truth. If you let their insecurities hold you back, you will be stuck in the same space ten years from now, still trying to convince people who do not matter that you deserve what you have worked for. And by then, you will only have yourself to blame.

Mohammed Dahiru Aminu (mohd.aminu@gmail.com) wrote from Abuja, Nigeria.